Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
