Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
