The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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