I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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