i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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