i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
