I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
either way he was missing a nipple.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
