I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize