He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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