Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
