Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
