I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i out mim tonsoeep
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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