Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
