I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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