my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
