At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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