He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
