Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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