My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Michael Bay diarrhea
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
