Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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