How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
