We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
