idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
