officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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