VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
