YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
