wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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