i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
