careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
