If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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