cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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