Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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