why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
