oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
