if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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