the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We have started to decorate penises.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
