for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
