I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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