im six kinds of drunk right now
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Let's paint friendship bongs
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize