her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
