you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
