I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
