what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
