I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
