I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
