can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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