Yo dont text me then not text me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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