Define "chronic" masturbator.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Randomize
