my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
