I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize