I'm going to jail i love you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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