if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
