Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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