i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
