Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And then my night got REAL pukey
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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