remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
