Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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