He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
