I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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