She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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