You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
