Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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