one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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