I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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