If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
