Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
