Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I didn't notice because vodka
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
