Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
